Being Real :)

I can only be who I am
I can't be the girl you want me to be
and I'm not gonna change
I'd rather you like me for me
than changing myself to be something
you would want
it's not worth wasting the time
not being myself
I'm happiest with how I am
and I'd be more miserable being
someone else than being with you.

SO TRUE!

sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out , but to see who cares enough to break them down ♥

Crazy!

This week is crazy! i'm talking in circles all the time and getting really pumped for sections on saturday! idk what i'm gonna do the next two days but this adrenaline excitement energy is causeing major crashes too plus on top of frustration with things this week i'm either hysterical or like super confuzed...
I probably have some nerves going from speech too becuase my introduction speech is due friday and i still have no clue what i'm gonna talk about:P ahhh crazy crazy week! <3

iPod Notes

in the time it takes you to learn what
true love is, someone will have already
fallin for you :)

does certain music make you hold you breath beuase it just makes you want to jump up and dance or it reminds you so much of one person you really care about? I always thought the phrase "you take my breath away" was just and exageration. I guess it is true, becuase you do take people's breath away.

what is the definition of a sport?
are dance, cheerleading and gymnastics a sport?

More Random Writing from the iPod

ice cream doesn't fill the spaces of my empty heart
only you have that power and I know you won't ever do you part
just sit silent
neither of us have a word to say
I'm tired of this long game
my sleep anxiety is caused by you
but there's no one else I'd rather share this night with
baby it's only you

(not a personal experience just came to mind)

Fears & Feirce

I think I'm one of those people who is afraid of fear
Not that I don't have fears subconciously
But I'm afraid of being fearful
Fear is a sign of weakness
And I'm afraid of being weak

(Random thought at school in english when we were talking about fears)

Digging Deep

Today I said sorry to one of my friends for knowing me. What the hell happened to my confidence?! The worst part is my friend replied stop being so depressed you'll be fine. I absolutely hate when people say that cuz they try to act like they care but you know their really just annoyed of you complaining. I get it. I'd be annoyed of myself too and trust me I def don't want to feel the way I do. I want my confidence back and I want to sleep again and have a day where everything doesn't feel blurred. I want to be able to describe my life as one of happiness and a way to find it in myself to be happy. Its just not there. Yeah people will say it is there you just have to find it but in my case i think i have to build it starting below earth's surface.
BTW- this was a couple days ago... just been super busy and haven't had time to post :P

Hey Baby!

Had a GREAT performance at the basketball game tonight:D I feel unstopable, like no one can touch me. BAMF! School was bad again of course... what else is new? :P
Still working on a schedule change. Already behind in speech. I guess i had a paper due today that i still have to write and turn in tomorrow:( idk if that will happen for sure but we'll see. Art is terrible i tried speaking today and just felt stupid. Hopefully tomorrow will be better if my friend comes to hang with me that hour.
BTW: Song currently stuck in my head "Hey Baby"... OMG my new love other than "Bottoms Up" is still a high roller. Otherwise the past two days its just a dance party in my head of "mmmmmm baby baby da da da da mmmmmm baby baby" haha gotta love dancing!
<3

Oh Brother!

What a stressful day! Competition in Byron went well. Varsity Jazz placed FIRST!!!!! Varsity Kick exhibitioned and i prolly didn't have my best performance so we'll see how it goes at the basketball game tomorrow. Hopefully better:) Today my brother texted me to just check in. It seems like we haven't talked in ages but he popped in at the perfect time cuz my day was crumbling apart. We talked for quite awhile while Danielle and i got ready for our Mini Meet. It was nice just to vent and say shit about people to an outside figure. I love my bro so much we see eye to eye on so much i kinda miss him at times. Like its nice having him gone but there are times you miss your siblings and the childhood memories. Home just isn't the same without them.
Today was also the beginning of a new semester. I'm hoping for a schedule change but until then i'm stuck in an english class of about 30 with only seven boys. GOD HELP ME I NEED DIVERSITY! Plus i hate speech to begin with let alone having a crabby teecher who...
Here's the story- Last week i really needed to use the restroom so i went up to this teacher and asked to go. She looked me up and down (not in a good way) and then answered. Thank god she said "go quickly" but still thats hard to do being a girl (if you know what i mean).
Anywhosin- Back to the story! So then when i went to Art class i discovered i was basically the only junior. My option were either a bunch of slacker senior guys or random freshmen. I could sit with the seniors who would prolly make fun of me and make jokes the whole time or talk about spongebob with the freshmen...
what would you do?
Then some senior guy came over and sat at my table and smelt strongly of weed. He was kinda funny and i could actually see myself being friends with someone like him. I originally planned to sit with the pot heads too if there were any in my hour just cuz they make life interesting:) lol but he quickly just annoyed me by making jokes at everything the teacher said.
So we go back in town just before 10 and i had to wash my hair 3 times to get the hairspray out and still haven't started my homework...(and had to retype the second 2/3 of this blog a million times cuz the internet kept failing:P urgh) but its kinda late and i'm exhausted so the hw will have to wait.
what a GREAT WAY to start a new semester. Let the slacking begin! JML;)

my biggest fear

but he was my hero when i was little and we planned so many things back then for when i'm older and the things he wants to be there for in my life and i'm just scared he's not gonna be there

Semester 2

New semester, new tomorrow, new beginning, and a fresh start... Prolly not gonna happen:P School is always the same every year and every semester its always "just school." People ask "how's school?" and I reply "eh." That pretty much explains it all. Can't wait for the real world and to be on my own.

Cheap Trick Weezer

"I want you to want me" is easier said than ever done. The story never ends after that. It never happens and its a complicated mess. My friend told me you shouldn't put yourself in a league so I told her i never put myself in one i put them in one cuz im just there i don't have a crowd.

"My life is a boring pop song and i'm just singing along" is the very definition of societies lifestyle... they only people who succeed and go far are those who jump the path and take a risk. That's hard to do in high school and being young. You libe a very stuctured life and it melts into a routine day after day as you fight for a way out and the longer you stay the deeper you fall. Everyday it gets harder to dig yourself out of the ground.

So why can't the story end at "I want you to want me?" It would be so easy but i guess life isn't supposed to be easy and if it were too many people would be amazing and life is about competition too so it creates a way to one up eachother by having more to the story than just 1 line from your fav 80s song. You can want all you want but that doesn't mean it will ever come true. I guess that makes us appreciate the miracles more:D

Preparing for Art :P

Today i have been super bored and decided to draw... had Haunted by TSwift stuck in my head while doing it so that might explain some of the weird stuff. Enjoy!

Hello Earthlings!

Hey anyone who actually reads this! I've been meaning to start blogging awhile now. I love to write and just put everything out on the table so i'll be trying to post often... this might be my little stress relief and way of venting or just sharing random things that have been going on in my life. Random facts, noises, curious questions, statements of how i view the world... Comment below if you actually read this and want me to talk about anything in particular!

Summary: Today was the last day of semester 1 finals! THANK GOODNESS! they were super stressful and i think my whole school is ready for some deep sleep and a bath tomorrow. I know i am:D Surprisingly despite finals week and craming i learned alot this week. I've been surprised at how much life has taught me this year. With a busy schedule of trying ot balance school dance and family somehow i'm getting throught it. There's been some rough spots and crazy times but we're working through them together whether its my classmates, team mates or family. Especially my Grandma! Idk why but she just stands out to me. She's always of fbook liking my statuses and commenting on pics and she's been a great support. She and my grandpa even came to our competition last weekend at Big Nine:) My family means so much to me and i don't think i thank them enough.

OMG that reminds me PRETTY LITTLE LIARS was absolutely amazing this week! I love the show soo much and need to read the series badly cuz i'm dying to soo who A is and who murdered Allie if their even the same person? IDK but it drives me crazy waiting for next weeks episode.

Anywhosin thats about all i have to say right now... XD